


Four Times They Talked About Wedding And One Time It Actually Happened

by MoriaTyson



Category: British Actor RPF, Sherlock (TV) RPF
Genre: Cheating, Happy Ending, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, References to Skeptics, References to TJLC, Weddings, Work Contains Conspiracies and Skepticism, Work Contains Fandom Elements, not so secret relationship, what gf?, what kids?, what wife?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 04:51:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17359322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoriaTyson/pseuds/MoriaTyson
Summary: It's been a long wait until Benedict and Martin finally welcome the wedding of their own.Snippets of their lives revolving around weddings.





	1. 2013

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters follow the chronological order of events.  
> Stuffed with conspiracies and skepticism. Sorry if those would make you uncomfortable.  
> Feel free to talk to me if there's something you want to say about the fic, their relationship, or really, anything!

England rarely sees such a bright sun. It’s a fine day for filming, as if God knew that they were going to shoot the scenes for a beautiful wedding and thus blessed them with amazing weather. Unfortunately, the excessive sunlight is not ideal for script reading, especially when you have pages of lines to memorize. It took a while for Benedict to find a spot with shades. He settles down on a bench and turns the pages. The light continues to shine on the paper, keeping his attention on the dazzling word, _wedding_. Indeed, that particular word has been on his mind for days, if not months. He knows how Amanda looks forward to this. She has been talking about it for ages. The wedding of John and Mary Watson. In a sense, it’s like compensating for the one wedding that never happened. However, the theme of the episode may be the wedding, the focus will lie on Sherlock’s best man speech. That’s the actually only part they are going to film.

Steven wrote a lengthy monologue for Ben. When he first received his share of the script, Ben frowned after learning how much he would have to recite. There he was thinking that the breathtaking deduction in _Hound of Baskervilles_ was the longest piece he would ever need to remember.

Martin gave him a sympathetic look as he leaned over and saw Benedict highlighting all the paragraphs.

“You can make it, Ben,” Martin encouraged him, patting him on the back, and eventually placing his hand on Ben’s shoulder.

He’s been doing that a lot, and frankly, it wasn’t helping much. Ben forced himself to keep his mind on the confession, no, he meant monologue, instead of what Martin was doing. They were standing so close to each other. Sometimes Ben wonders if Martin is doing it on purpose. Martin clearly knows how he feels for him and shamelessly encourages it. He grants him a permission, and because of that Benedict has always wished that they can become something more intimate.

Now this is going down directly into a dangerous territory. He has to suppress that kind of thinking, and he can never let it take control, at least not when they were in the middle of a briefing with everyone present, including Amanda. Amanda was caught in an exciting conversation with Mark, without noticing what was going on over here. They were talking about Mary Watson, John’s only official wife, and the plan for the character.

“Meanwhile, we will play _Give Us A Clue_.”

Martin had Ben’s attention back. He laughed, stepped aside for a few inches. Ben turned to him, he didn’t see any jokes in Martin’s eyes. Nevertheless, he chose to play along and made an angry face.

“How could you do this?” Ben grumbled, and before he could utter another word, Steven called them in for a private conversation. It was top secret, and only the leading actors and the filmmakers were allowed to join. Without doubt, it was about Sherlock and John, and their great plan.

“Shall we?” Martin offered his hand, but didn’t grab Ben’s, and Ben didn’t took his either. They wouldn’t do it here. The two followed Steven to a quiet corner. Steven could barely hide his thrill, anyone could see the sparkles in his eyes when he talked about Sherlock and John. Benedict suddenly recalled how the Internet described that expression, _the evil laughter._ He giggled, Steven noticed it and asked Ben to concentrate. He emphasized, “What I am about to say is important.”

“We’re filming John and Mary’s wedding,” Steven stated the most obvious fact. Ben glimpsed at Martin, he expected a smile from him, but he didn’t see any.

Shouldn’t there have been one? There’s a little bit more to it than it only being John and Mary’s wedding, because Mary is Amanda, and you could even say that it is also Martin and Amanda’s.

“Benedict, control yourself,” Steven spared time to remind Ben again. They’ve had this talk before, Mark has said it, Steven has said it, and they said that they did not approve of set romance, but they should have seen it coming. We all should.

“Be professional,” That was what Mark said. Mark and Steven promised to keep the secret for Ben, and they hoped that they only had to have this conversation with him once. Ben agreed, and he did his best to act professionally.

“It’s John and Mary’s wedding, yes,” Steven paused, he enjoyed doing so, "but we’re going to film it as if it’s Sherlock and John’s wedding. _You two_ are getting married.”

“So what do you expect of us?” Martin asked. He seemed unaffected. Well, of course he was. He is professional, and he doesn’t do projecting.

“As usual,” Steven answered. “Benedict, you’re going to pretend that you’re pining for Martin. Martin, you’re going to look regretful because you realize that you still love him and he loves you back. Of course weddings are supposed to be full of joy but not in this case, so don’t look happy. It would be easy for both of you.”

 _Benedict and Martin?_ Instead of Sherlock and John? Others might say that it was intentional, but then Steven has always done the pitch this way. He glanced at Ben and repeated,  “ _pretend._ ”

“Go, the read through is going to start,” Steven went first, leaving Benedict and Martin behind. Martin pulled Ben closer, speaking in a low voice so that only the two of them could hear it. “You will look great in the suit,” he whispered.

The suit he was talking about, the best man gown, Ben is wearing it right now. His suit appears to be identical to Martin’s. Sarah Arthur told them that it was a deliberate choice, because only grooms would share suits of the same look. It was a hint. Or was it a mere consolation? Perhaps both. On the way to the Orangery, they ran into the setlockers. The fans must have seen the gowns beneath the coats. Amanda even waved at the onlookers. She was glowing, like an angel in her white wedding dress. Martin was right behind her, gazing at her tenderly. He was happy. They were happy together, always have been.

 _He’s delighted with her._ That is the idea lingering in Benedict’s mind. It’s true, they are lovely as a coupe. Could you have imagined a better match? Nope. Ben sighs. He knows about Martin’s feelings for him and is overjoyed that his affections are returned, but in the end, it doesn’t mean anything. He will never be Amanda. Amanda is cute, she is awesome, and she’s perfect for Martin.

Ben’s mind drifts away. He looks for familiar faces subconsciously and eventually finds everyone on lawn. Martin is there, and Amanda, and Una, Rupert, Loo, and Yasmine. They’re playing _Give Us A Clue_ , as Martin said they would. The entire cast and crew are there having fun, enjoying the sunny weather and the peaceful break, except him who has to practice his lines. He can’t blame them though, after all, what’s the reason not to be gleeful? Especially for Amanda. She’s told Ben that these few days have been her happiest moments during filming. If Martin had known that a wedding would bring her this much mirth, would he have given her one?

Ben has just heard the sound of text alert and it drags him back to his job. Hopefully it’s not Mark reproaching him. Ben checked his phone and to his surprise, it’s a message from Martin. He realizes that Martin is looking at him, while Amanda is absorbed in watching Una mime. Martin gives Ben a wink from a distance. Ben can’t help but smile, he loves it, though it’s inappropriate. He swipes the screen to read the text, and he finds himself an excuse for doing so: _it’s nothing, it’s just a text._

_Finished with your lines?_

That’s all. Martin’s still observing his reaction. What should he say in reply? Martin definitely knows that Ben cannot have finished all of the work already.

_No. Come and feed me._

Ben regrets it immediately after his finger touched the _SEND_ button. It sounds terrible no matter how you interpreted it, literally or subtextually. Martin stares at the screen for half a second and then starts typing. Ben suddenly begins to panic, he fears that Amanda will find out. She’s laughing, probably because of what Una did. She pats Martin’s arm but does not turn to look at him. Martin smiles at her, he says a few words in response. Amanda gives him a quick look and then starts talking to Una again. Martin puts the phone down on his other side and then gently taps on the screen. A new passage appears on Ben’s phone.

Lord, what’re they doing now? Texting behind her back? Ben could feel that his conscience and his desire are pulling his heart towards opposite directions and tearing it apart. He should have stopped, but his fingers touch the screen partly on purpose because he doesn’t want to stop, and partly by accident because his hands slightly tremble.

_Not now._

What does it mean, _not now_? So he will do it later? Ben can sense that Martin’s watching him again. He lifts his head and their eyes meet, and this time Martin isn’t smiling or trying to crack him up anymore. He’s just staring at him. This brings Ben back to the days of adolescence, a time when he would sneak a peek at his crush, and occasionally they happened to turn around and the eyes would meet. However, it’s no longer shyness that holds him back from returning the gaze. Deep down, he knows it better than anyone that it’s because it’s wrong. He takes something that doesn’t belong to him from his friend, and what’s worse is that he now does it to her face. It’s absolutely not what a decent man would do to his friend, and this idea, along with the absence of sincere remorse, sadly reveals that he hardly qualifies as an upright person, which more or less pains him.

It’s probably only psychologically, but he feels that his fingers starts to ache. Ben examines his reddish thumbs to find that the pain is a result of himself squeezing the script and causing it to crumple. It’s a good reminder telling him that he must come back to his lines or he will never be able to finish the work. As Ben presses himself to reread the text, Steven’s words pours in again. He told Benedict, “The best man speech is a love letter from Sherlock to John. Act it out.” Ben could still picture the look on Mark’s and Martin’s faces. It was a mix of sympathy and heartbreak. But come on, witnessing the one you love marrying another person? The performance is an opportunity of lifetime.

His phone makes the sound again. He should really stop getting distracted. Ben swears that this is the one last time. He clicks the pop-up window and discovers that Martin sent him a picture. It’s a photograph of the script, where John invites Sherlock to be his best man. When Steven was explaining the scene to them, he snickers, saying that it was actually a proposal. “If we aren’t going to film John proposing to Sherlock, then this scene will be it.” He even claimed that the two things were _basically the same_. And yet everyone knows that it isn’t true. It is just a cruel joke, a consolation that meant nothing. You may lie to yourself, persuading your heart into _living with it_ , but you can never be fooled, and you will always crave for more.

_Prepared?_

A new message arrives when his thoughts wanders. Ben stares at the dialogue box in a daze until Martin has finished typing. He finally understands what Martin’s doing when the next message comes in. Ben takes another furtive look at the lawn. Amanda is leaning on Loo, captivated by the game and unaware of what’s going on between her boyfriend and the poor guy who’s left out preparing his lines alone. Martin, on the other hand, seems to have drawn himself away from the rest of the gang. He keeps his head down, slowly tapping on his phone.

_I want to be up there with the two people that I love and care about most in the world._

_Mary Morstan._

_And you._

Ben sees that it’s his turn. He puts down the script, holds up the phone, and extracts a reply from his memory. It’s time to become Sherlock Holmes.

_I confess at first I didn’t realise he was asking me._

_When I finally understood, I expressed to him that I was both flattered and surprised._

_I explained to him that I’d never expected this request._

_I was a little daunted in the face of it._

“Benedict! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”

 _Oh shit._ Ben grabs his script in a rush, trying to cover the phone with it, but it’s too late. Mark is glaring at him, he must have seen everything.

Mark Gates has warned him, whatever his feelings towards Martin are, they must stay outside of the set and must not interfere with filming. In fact the whole crew knows about what’s happening between them by now, and in a sense, their silence allows it to grow and thrive. It’s also kind of inevitable, Sherlock and John are meant to be a couple, so is it really a surprise when the actors portraying them develop love for one another? Steven and Mark definitely saw it coming. They probably have been in the know since day one when they whispered into each other’s ears cheering, _“This is the show.”_  

What was not spoken out loud was that,  _"Damn, they really did fall in love.”_

“Are you on Tumblr again?” Mark questions Ben in a cold and intimidating voice. Since they began filming this series, he’s been scrolling around on set, paying extra attention to the actors who browses websites like Tumblr and _Archive of Our Own_. However, it never stops Martin from sending Ben those pictures featuring Sherlock and John enjoying some intimate activities on bed. Sometimes they will even appreciate the explicit drawings which Martin has on his phone together, in Mark’s absence, of course. Ben at times wonders whether the fictions and artworks he saw are only about Sherlock and John, or is there more to that?

“No, I’m texting,” Ben gives an honest answer, though Mark does not like it either.

“Texting? Is that so?” Mark isn’t convinced. His penetrating look implies that Ben will not get away with it. Ben avoids making any eye contact with Mark, and unconsciously his attention strays away and then gathers at the lawn again. He no longer has Martin’s attention, it belongs to Amanda now. Martin is watching her, smiling, eyes filled with love and merriment.

“Oh, Benedict,” Mark must have caught where Ben’s eyes are fixed on. “I’ve told you before.”

Mark shakes his head in disappointment. Ben isn’t sure whether he’s more angry or more commiserative.

“He’s only feeding me the lines. That’s it,” and it’s the truth. It’s all about work, nothing more. Hearing the excuse, Mark glances at Martin, and then turns back to Ben. Martin never looks at here again. Ben grips the corner of his script and shoves the sheets in his own face, and finally starts to mumble Sherlock’s lines.

“We will take the wedding photos soon. Get ready.”

Ben nods in response. Mark adds that there will be photos of Sherlock and John only. It sounds like he’s trying to comfort him, but then Mark will say that it’s just part of the plan.

It reminds Ben of a discussion he read about before. After Mark left, Ben checks his phone. No replies from Martin. Ben guesses that he can’t text him anymore, but before he proceeds with the lines, he could still take a look at how the fans are coping with new information. He taps on the Tumblr app icon, posts flood in and they’re all about the wedding. The photos which fans took have gone viral. They appear over and over again on his dashboard. The fans are analyzing the episode already, they scrutinize the costumes and speculate on Sherlock, John and Mary. As expected, Ben reads about the grudges and whines. Fans accuse them of queerbaiting. _Well, wait until you see it to the end._ He smiles, scrolling down the screen, and there comes the self-comfort. Fans are always the expert in the field. Ever since it was announced that Mary Morstan would be in this series, the fans have been joking about it to relieve their their anguish. They have endured plots that they loathe before, and every fandom has been upset by the show-runners. It’s the most common thing for you if you’re a fan, and fans have not only gotten used to it but also come up with their own coping mechanism. In our case here, the fans tease that they can simply ignore Mary. _We will photoshop her out and then it will be Sherlock and John’s wedding._ That’s what they say and undoubtedly they will live up to it. But it won’t be necessary, as Steven and Mark have decided that they will take care of the photography.

_Have you guys noticed that Sherlock’s and John’s wedding suits are exactly the same? It must be Sherlock and John’s wedding and Mary is a just bridesmaid._

Ben chuckles as he reads this post. That’s amazing, he will definitely let Sarah Arthur know that the fans have already recognized her efforts.

He also checks the replies, some of the comments read:

_Or no one in the show is getting married and it’s just Martin and Amanda inviting everyone to their wedding and having Ben as the best man. #shrugs #yep I know it’s impossible but still #my Johnlock heart aches seeing this :( #why do we have to go through the wedding?_

_Why can’t it be Benedict and Martin’s wedding then? #lol #jk_

_#lol #nah #freebatch is fine #but #I love Martin and Amanda #I respect them_

Ben shuts off Tumblr. He must get down to his script or he will never finish it. For one last time he glimpses at the lawn, Amanda is miming something and Martin is watching her attentively.

There’s a tiny voice in his head telling him, _you know it’s impossible, he will never choose you over her. You may be playing Sherlock Holmes, but you will never be him._

He remembers, Steven has told him, the episode should be a depiction of the unrequited love Sherlock has for John. For Sherlock, his sorrow derives from witnessing the love of his life marrying someone else. Unbeknownst to him, the man he loves returns his feelings, and the only thing stands between them and happiness is John not being prepared to face his desires.

“It must be a piece of cake for you two,” those were Steven’s words after he finished the briefing. The irony must have been too tangible, he then clarified that it was because Benedict and Martin were award winners.

Therefore, he must live up to the honor he received. Clearing his mind, Ben officially begins to tackle with his task.

The photographic session starts not long after Ben completes his mission. When it’s his turn with Martin, Benedict makes sure that the distance between them is short enough to have a talk which only they can hear.

“So, did Mark scold you?”

Martin’s voice reaches Ben’s ears, along with his breath. He places the hat by his chest, wears a smile, and poses for the cameras. After a set of photos, Danny informs them that it’s all done. Ben turns to look at Martin, Martin is still waiting for his answer.

“He thought I was reading Tumblr.”

“Oh. What did they say?”

“This should be Sherlock and John’s wedding.”

“It sure is.”

They are asked to step aside and give way to the ladies. After this set, Martin and Amanda will be posing for the wedding photos of John and Mary.

“It’s beautiful.”

Ben says softly. On hearing those words, Martin turns to look at him. This time he returns the gaze.

“The cinematography?”

“Yeah, and the wedding.”

“Hmm.”

It’s not exactly the response Ben expected. Martin barely said anything. Perhaps it’s too close to home? John and Mary’s wedding sort of feels like Martin and Amanda’s, and Ben shouldn’t have mentioned it because as everyone knows, Martin is not a fan of weddings. But it’s truly beautiful. It makes him emotional.

“If I get married one day, will you be my best man?”

Ben has a feeling that they will have to face this question someday, so it is asked. When he looks for an answer, he finds Martin gazing into his eyes, smiling.

“You know I will never be your best man, Ben.”

Danny waves at Martin telling him it’s his turn. Ben watches Martin leave for the shoot. He stops his pace next to Amanda. They are such a match made in heaven.

Ben mulls over Martin words. He realizes that Martin is right.


	2. 2014

Ben locks the door of the lavatory. Admittedly it’s an awful thing to do, he hopes that no one is in urgent need to use it. Martin is waiting for him by the sink, but still won’t look at him. It has been the case since Ben’s engagement hit the news. Ben phoned him, texted him, but he never answered, and never replied. Amanda called Ben, so did Simon, and even Steven and Mark too. The duo requested him to take care of the issue before the filming for the special began.

The other day when the crew gathered for the stills, Ben tried to explain to Martin, but Martin didn’t even want to talk to him. He avoided him, acted as if Ben weren’t there, and the only person he was willing to talk to was Amanda. Ben kept watching Martin, but not once did Martin looked at him, and Ben knew he couldn’t blame Martin for that. Mark noticed that something was off, he pulled Ben aside and asked him what happened.

“Did you two break up? What did you do?”

“I’m engaged.”

“So Amanda was telling the truth?”

Ben failed to answer that question. He only promised that he and Martin would be ready for the special.

His promise didn’t apply to that day, though. They didn’t even manage to pose for photographs normally together. In the end, Arwel said he would take care of the photos using photoshop. Mark warned them that they must guarantee that this kind of disaster would not happen again.

Ben hasn’t seen Martin again until today. It’s the world premiere of the third installment of _The Hobbit_. Ben approached Martin when they were taking the group photo. He begged for a chance, to talk, and hopefully to clear things up. This time Martin agreed. They need a quiet and private place to meet and have a quick word, and unfortunately the only option is here.

Before Ben entered the room, he received a message from Karon saying that Sophie Hunter showed up. He wasn’t in the mood to mind her business, so he told Karon to deal with it herself.

“When will you get married?”

It’s the first thing Martin asks. He wishes that Martin could have asked why he did it, and he would have answered that it’s not his choice. He’s forced, he never wants it, and he wished that Martin would know all he ever wants is him. But now he can only swallow the prepared words, Martin clearly doesn’t want to hear any of his excuses.

“Valentine’s Day. On the Isle of Wight.”

Silence takes over the room again. It’s now Ben’s turn to break it.

“So, will you come?” he asks, but he doesn’t even know which answer he wants to hear. Ben would say that if Martin is willing to then he can be the best man, but then Martin gave him the answer years ago. Ben has phoned Robert and asked if he would like to be the best man, and Robert said yes. Not long ago, when an interviewer told him that Martin Freeman should be his best man, he laughed and said that he would have the Internet to persuade Martin into accepting it. He wasn’t totally joking, he would gladly welcome it if it happened, but it didn’t.

“I’ve told you before.”

The answer is exactly as he expects it to be. Ben walks towards Martin and stopped when they are a few feet apart. He stares at Martin. Martin’s looking at him too, but it’s his reflection in the mirror that he looks at. For a couple of seconds neither of them utters a word. Ben hates the silence, it’s abnormal. In the past Martin would always try to make him laugh, but he will probably never hear those jokes again. Ben has been telling everyone that Martin is the most humorous human being on earth. He means it. He misses the fun, the laughter they shared, and even those sarcasms.

“Ben, hear this.”

Martin turns to look at Ben in the eye. He calls his name, which he hasn’t done for over a month. Ben has waited for this moment, they might have an in-depth conversation about the things that should and shouldn’t have happened and what is to become of them after this.

“We’re not going to pretend that nothing happened or that it’s still the way it was and keep on with it. At least I’m not, not really. I will do the show with you, and whatever that is asked of us, but you should know that this is it.”

Martin just announced the end of their relationship. He also told Ben that he doesn’t have to say anything in response, and that nothing can change his mind anyway. From his dimmed eyes Ben realizes that this is hard for Martin as well. Ben keeps his lips sealed. The truth is, he can’t even think of what to say, and there’s nothing he can do to make Martin feel better because he himself was the one who caused him pain in the first place.

For himself, though, Ben tries to calm himself down. Since years ago when he and Martin started their affair, he has prepared himself for today. It’s probably an odd thing to do, bracing yourself for the end of a relationship when it just began, but then it would be a lie to say that you didn’t know this day would arrive sooner or later. Ben has envisioned the scenario before, probably for too many times. Only he wasn’t expecting it to happen here. His guess was a rental apartment where they used to meet, or a hotel room which they shared during filming or promotion tour. He thought Amanda could be the reason why Martin ends it, because she one day she will decide that she can’t tolerate this anymore and of course Martin will end it with him so as to keep her. Or maybe it’s that Martin eventually gets tired of cheating and having flings, so he tells Ben that it’s all over, and that there was never anything between them anyway. He imagined that they would have a fight, or an intense quarrel, and break-up sex even, and then they would never see each other again. In reality, though, their break-up is quiet, and in one month they will meet again for the _Sherlock_ special. The split is handled in the professional way that Mark Gatiss demands.

Martin raises his hand, it’s lifted in midair and halts. He hesitates, but eventually gives in. He gives Ben a soft pat on the shoulder, which reminds Ben of the last scene in _The Sign of Three_ , where John did the same thing, patting Sherlock on his shoulder. Well, this is indeed somewhat similar to that, isn’t it? Bidding farewell to a relationship that you never truly had. Except that Sherlock and John still have a future with each other, they don’t, because he isn’t actually Sherlock Holmes, and Martin isn’t John Watson. And life? It’s not written by Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss.

In the end, the pat, along with a long and lingering look, is all that is left for him. He wished that Martin would say that they could still be friends, or that he would give him a farewell hug, but neither happened. Martin withdraws his hand, he walks past Ben, and leaves the room without saying another word, nor has he turned to look at him once.

Ben adjusts himself in front of the mirror, ensuring that he will look organized enough to live through the rest of the night. He still has an after party to deal with. Martin and Amanda will be there too, but he probably won’t exchange a word with them, or they will avoid him. Or maybe he should just slip away now. Karon texts him about Sophie Hunter again, he should leave. Fingers crossed that no one will ever notice that he looks like crap.


	3. 2015

Tabloid journalists have already lined up outside the church when Benedict’s car arrives at its destination. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to know that they have been tipped off. They gather by the road, holding up the cameras and take pictures as each person passes by. Ben can’t risk being recognized by the crowd, all he can do is peeking through the car window, and there’s nothing but people in view. The reporters, the fans, and the residents who have no better things to do.

 _Thank God that Martin isn’t here._ Ben sighs. _Or he’ll be pissed._ Martin hates overexposure. Ben could pretend that all of the photos are a result of himself being too famous and hunted by the paparazzi, he might tell this story to the fans and to the public, but he could never fool his peers, especially Martin. Even if not for this reason, Martin still won’t be by his side on this day, and Ben knows that. Everything was doomed to end since Sophie Hunter came into the picture. No, since the first time he kissed Martin. Ben has been warned that there’s only one ending for a relationship like theirs, but he would probably never have chosen another path even if he were given a second chance.

The car stops by the church. It has reached the end, and there’s no way back. Wanda reminds Ben that they should get off. Ben nods, he pulled the car door open and leaves the limo, followed by his parents.

Had this wedding been different, Ben might have been happy. He’s never told Martin about it, but he always wants marriage, and kids. Nevertheless, it’s only a dream now, because he man he loves will never want a wedding, nor can they ever have kids of their own. He remembers that at one time he joked that he and Martin were considering adoption, wouldn’t it be nice if it were true?

Another limo arrives, and there come the Hunters. Sophie Hunter exits the car. The first person that comes in her view is Benedict, who is dozens of steps away. Ben’s eyes meet hers, and in the next second the soon-to-be husband and wife turn their heads away simultaneously. Probably the only common thing between them is that neither of them enjoys the presence of the other.

Despite his uneasiness, Ben will still admit that Sophie Hunter looks stunning. Perhaps he doesn’t look as awful as he fears either, but so what? They have never loved each other. Ben even hopes that he’s capable of loving her so that marrying her would have been less painless, but he isn’t. The wedding is something that both of them agreed on but neither wanted. They were told that it would be good for them, and they probably did gain something out of it, but it never happened for the right reason.

Wanda must have sensed the changes in him. She gives her son a comforting hug, assuring him that Mom and Dad are both here to support him when he needs.

“Are you still thinking about him?” she asks gently.

“Is it that obvious?” Ben attempts to sound as if he were just teasing, but he fails and it comes off as heartbroken. Seeing this breaks his parents’ hearts too. Sadly, they don’t have time to comfort him. He should go, to greet his guests, and accompany his bride.

Ben takes another glimpse at Sophie. She keeps talking to her brother, and it appears that she’s more reluctant to look at him than the other way round.

More cars are coming in. It’s Ben’s friends, those who couldn’t bear to watch him being lonesome and helpless on his big day. Wanda walks up to them and welcomes their coming. She is followed by Tim, who gives Ben a look, prompting him to cheer up a bit. Ben nods, he pushes himself to smile. It is his wedding day and he can’t be photographed looking gloomy. The spotlight will shine on him soon, before he knows it.

Ben supposes that Sophie will never greet the guests with him, and that’s what he wants. The first best friend he welcomes is Robert Rinder. He remains grateful that Robert agreed to be his best man even after he learnt about the truth. Meeting with a friend finally puts a genuine smile on Ben’s face. He immediately gives his friend a warm hug, which is generously returned. And yet after the hug, the concerned look that Ben previously saw on his parents also appears on Robert’s face.

“Are you alright?” Robert asks. That’s what everyone has been asking since yesterday. All of Ben’s friends know about his little secret. Yes, it’s a disgrace, but the good news is that they choose to be his friends nevertheless.

“Of course,” Ben replies. His friend is still worried, but they can’t stand there talking about his feelings forever. There’s a wedding coming, there are more guests to greet.

The next one is James Rhodes. Ben hugs him too, he does that to every friend of his, and this time after the hug James said something Ben didn’t expect.

“Do you remember what you told me back in the days when I was having a bad time?” he asks.

Ben blinks his eyes, he’s a bit confused but he’s trying to recover those memories. And then he regains them. He remembers, he said, _Everything is gonna be fine._ What James is telling him is, _if I can make it through, then so can you._

Ben grins, it’s a nice thing and it does make him feel a little better. He’s thankful for that. Unfortunately, though, he isn’t quite sure if he still believes in it when it comes to his own hopeless situation.

A massive burst of screams reaches Ben’s ears. It was from outside the church. Pictures are taken under flashlights. It feels like a red carpet, and the only thing missing is that no one is impertinent enough to shout out “look at the camera”. This time Ben knows who it is without even looking. As expected, he spots Tom Hiddleston. Tom was caught by the tabloids in the morning, he did it intentionally because it was a favor for Ben. They agreed that Tom would attract the attention so that Ben could avoid being the headline of today’s newspapers. It’s what he needs, because the media need photos for the write-up, and they’d better not show Benedict in distress. Ben hides himself where he won’t not be captured by the cameras and waits for his friends. Today, his friends build a shield between him and all the flashy lights so that he won’t have to feign happiness.

Tom has finally made through the media zone and arrives at Ben’s side. He gives Benedict a quick hug, letting him know that he understands his pain. It’s like at the Baftas a few days ago. Benedict chides himself for thinking about that night at such an inappropriate time, but it fails to stop his mind from wandering back.

At the ceremony, Martin and Amanda sat at the same row as Tom, with only the aisle in between. Benedict was a few rows behind. When the camera was not focused on him, he would sometimes  cast eyes in that direction to check what they were doing. To obtain a better view, he leaned slightly towards the side of the aisle and away from his fiancée. Ben swore that he saw Tom and Martin talking, but he couldn’t tell what was said. He only knew that in the end, they exchanged a look, which was followed by Tom turning back and walking towards Ben, as well as Martin and Amanda leaving without giving the back rows a look. Ben could tell that Tom already figured out what happened. He asked if Martin would still come to the wedding, and after Ben gave an negative answer, he suggested that they should take a picture together. He never asked Ben if he was okay, because he knew he wasn’t. What Ben saw from his eyes wasn’t sympathy, it was more like empathy, because if there was only one person in the world who could understand how Ben felt, it would most likely be Tom, because he had been there.

“No?” It was what Tom said when Ben shook his head. He didn’t look surprised, though. After all, it’s nothing new.

Once again Ben recalled Steven and Mark’s words when they were at the briefing for _The Sign of Three,_  “Why did Sherlock agree to be John’s best man even though it’s not his kind of thing? Because he loves him. And why did Sherlock leave John’s wedding early? Again, because he loves him.”

The talk was then switched to a discussion questioning whether Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes attended John Watson’s wedding. Multiple possibilities were proposed. It could be that he used work as an excuse and didn’t go, or he actually attended the wedding without telling John. Or, as most would concur, he was there as John’s best man. Steven and Mark both insisted that whatever Doyle’s decision was, it was to show that Sherlock Holmes was in love with John Watson.

“But of course Sherlock Holmes is the best man. Who else could it be?” Mark concluded in the end. The focus of the discourse then returned to the show and how Sherlock didn’t believe that John would love him because he thought he didn’t deserve him.

When Mark and Steven were immersed in their chat, Ben was reminded of what Tom told him back when they were doing _War Horse_ together. He didn’t go to a friend’s wedding because he had an audition that day, and it wasn’t a lie. It was just that he chose that specific day to go for the audition because he didn’t want to see the person he loved marrying someone else. Ben never expected that Martin would do the exact same thing to him. Martin’s reason for not being able to make it to his wedding was that he had work in New Mexico, even though both of them knew what the true reason was.

Another roars of cheers drags Ben back to present time. He thanks Tom again for what he did. His friend smiles and says it’s nothing, because if there places were swapped, he would have done the same for him.

 _Aren’t we already the same now?_ Ben murmurs. Tom goes inside the church to his seat. Ben looks around, more friends are arriving and he greets them all. And then there’s Andrew Scott, who mentions that he was just stopped by an interviewer and was asked if he was the best man.

 _Oh no._ It’s a stab in the heart. _Of course they will be interested._ Ben was asked about it. It’s a question intended for Andrew, for Tom, and for Martin. It’s the question that the public has been wondering. People search for an answer, ignorant of how it tears open the wound on his heart. What he fears is, however, not the hurtful memories. He’s afraid that it will deepen the rift between him and Martin.

Andrew hugs Ben, switches the topic to wishing him good luck on the Oscars. Like everyone else, he’s worried about him and is careful with his feelings, so he won’t talk too much about it. He lets things be. In fact, it’s what he always does. Andrew was perhaps one of the first few who noticed something between Ben and Martin, along with Mark and Steven, but he never pries into it.

Back in the days when they were filming _The Reichenbach Fall_ at Barts, romance bloomed between the two leads of the show. They thought it went unnoticed. Between the takes, Ben and Martin would stroll along the pavement side by side. They hugged, they chatted, they laughed, they arranged the front of each other’s clothes. They were like a real couple, and the point is, they were in love. It was the happy time.

When Ben left Martin for the rooftop scene, he would sometimes stand by the edge of the roof, searching for Martin’s tiny figure down on the road. If he found him, he would see if he could deduce what Martin was doing there, and just the thought of it was enough to make him smile. It kept this way, until Ben found out that Andrew was observing him, his knowing look was a sign that he had figured out what happened. Ben blushed, he prepared himself an excuse, he would say that he was just getting into the role. His explanation was never uttered, though, because Andrew didn’t ask. Andrew didn’t criticize him, nor did he express sympathy. Not a word was said, he just knew and let it be.

In a way, you could even say that it was the entire crew of _Sherlock_ that allowed it to happen and watched it evolve into what it is today but didn’t intervene. Including Amanda. Last month when they were filming in Gloucester, almost everyone was there. Martin was willing to talk to Ben, but only about work, and most of the time he would rather sit by the fire and read the newspapers. Mark was filming the extra content, he interviewed the main cast one by one. When it was Martin’s turn, Amanda came over to Ben after she saw her boyfriend left the room.

Benedict is by far her favorite person in the world, but in a weird way they are still friends of sorts, even after she knew about what he did. You can say that they are both friends and enemies. Initially, everyone avoided mentioning Ben’s forthcoming wedding, but that day was one of the few days when both Andrew and Loo were on set, so Ben took the chance and invited them to the wedding. They agreed. Amanda was listening to their conversation. When Ben turned to her, she was smiling disapprovingly.

“I’m sorry,” Ben apologized, but Amanda shook her head.

“Oh, Benny. Don’t bother to say sorry to me.”

Martin returned in time and informed Amanda that she was next. Amanda went in for the interview cheerily. During those days, she was thrilled, full of energy, and always in high spirits. In contrast, Martin kept a serious face most of the time, he didn’t talk much, and he wasn’t in the mood for jokes. He didn’t look like himself at all. Martin quietly went back to his newspapers. Ben took the seat beside Martin, he noticed that Martin glimpsed at him, but there were no words.

“Ben,” Adam’s voice reminds Benedict that it’s time. There’s a wedding to hold. Ben walks inside with Adam, and then to the woman he is about to marry. Sophie still won’t look at him in the eyes, but he doesn’t care now.

The wedding is held smoothly as planned, accompanied by music and gossip. During the intervals, Ben receives a series of messages from Karon. She informs him that the tabloids claim that Martin is his best man. It’s worse than he imagined. He should phone Marin and explain, but then he suspects that Martin will get more irritated by it. A while later Karon sent Benedict screenshots of Amanda’s tweets. Reading them plants a dull pain in his chest. He texts Martin and apologizes, but Martin never responds, just like the day he got engaged.


	4. 2016

Tumblr was flooded with speculations regarding what they filmed in Margam Park. Some suspected it to be Mary’s funeral, others wished it to be Sherlock and John’s wedding, and those who unfortunately got it right called it the christening of baby Watson. Reading all of theses puts a smile on Benedict’s face. Had Mark Gatiss known that he was reading Tumblr again he would definitely kill him. However, not even Mark can stop Ben from doing what he is going to do. He takes a screenshot of the discussions and sends it to Martin.

Every day after Martin and Ben finish filming, they will go back to their respective apartments and text each other. Occasionally, Ben will go straight to Belsize Park to spend a night there with Martin. Other times when they are at breaks between scenes, he will find Martin in his trailer, or the other way round. They will lie down on the couch, Martin will circle his arm around Ben’s waist so that they can enjoy some cuddling, and if they are in the right mood a kiss or two may happen.

More often than not, though, they simply enjoy the company of their loved ones. It’s enough for Ben to know that Martin is here with him. Similarly, knowing that Martin has agreed to date him again is sufficient to support Ben through the lonesome days when they’re apart. What’s truly a miracle is that this time they’re being serious. Ben could not have imagined anything better than this, just when he thought that he would lose Martin forever because he made a silly mistake, Martin gave him a second chance. A better chance. And because of it, he’s no longer a fling or a secret lover who could only meet his man at where no one would look. For the first time Martin actually belongs to him. And yes, it’s for the reason that everyone knows. Martin and Amanda have split up, and Ben can’t say that he’s totally innocent. Being one of the contributors, he should probably be more ashamed, and he does feel guilty, but it can never beat the happiness of having the man you love love you back.

He wants nothing other than to cherish the moments of being together. They can take it slow, it’s fine, they have been through so much and have come a far way. He doesn’t mind waiting for a little bit more. They can just chat away, or Ben may read out some of the “slasher fictions” to Martin. This will last until one of them has to leave for filming or until Steven and Mark become suspicious of what they’re doing and come over to knock at the door.

_Why don’t we just get married?_

Benedict pulls himself back and continues typing. The screenshots have been successfully delivered to Martin. And so have his messages.

_We should tell Steven and Mark. They can film Sherlock and John’s wedding at the same time. They should get married._

Exactly! He should tell Steven and Mark. The fans have run out of patience with them anyway.

_Sherlock and John should get married._

Sent and delivered.

Benedict receives a reply from Mark within seconds. The text reads, _STOP READING TUMBLR!!!_ Meanwhile, Steven replies with only two words, _Not Now._ A message from Martin drops subsequently, it reads, _I bet they’d say no._

 _They did._ Ben types. _So maybe we should get married ourselves._ He presses _SEND,_ and then stares at the screen. No replies.

 _Oh no._ Ben realizes what went wrong after he rereads his message. Martin probably took it the wrong way. What Ben meant was that _we should get Sherlock and John married,_ but what he typed sounded like a cheap proposal.

 _Get THEM married._ Ben corrects himself and starts hitting the keyboard again, but before he can send the message, his phone vibrates and a reply comes in. Well, he should know that there’ll be an answer of sorts, whether he will like it or not.

 _You know what I think about this._ Martin wrote. Yeah, he knows. If Martin didn’t even marry Amanda, why would he want to marry him? But he doesn’t mind. Ben is okay with not being actually married, as long as he’s with Martin, he is satisfied.

Another message drops. It reads:

_And you aren’t available even if I want to._

Ben pauses and ponders over it for a while. _What does it mean?_ If he were not with Hunter, then Martin would marry him? He stares at that line in disbelief, and after a while he deletes his yet-to-be-sent explanation. He hesitates about what to say. _Does this mean that Martin may somehow want to marry him? Is there hope for that or is he just delusional?_ Maybe he should ask Amanda, she surely has experience with this kind of things. Ben laughs at himself as soon as that thought pops out. Well he obviously can’t. She hates him. She will never say it out loud but everyone knows, and he will admit that she has every reason to hate him. He’s the one who wronged her, he stole her man and broke her family. He already owes her so much, and who knows if he can ever compensate her for it.

Once again, before Ben has the chance to ask anyone to wake him from the illusion, one more message appears. Still from Martin.

_You fainted?_

Ben chuckles. He grabs his coat, and starts walking towards the door as he types the reply.

_I’m coming over to your place._

_Now? It’s late, Ben._

_It’s never too late._

He ends conversation, slips the phone into his pocket and then steps onto a path on which he has walked for countless times. As he strides at night, memories of their past pour in. It’s been eight years already. Eight years since they first met, eight years since Benedict fell in love with Martin. They have memorable times, ones that warm his heart and fill him with joy, but also ones that reduce him to tears. They dated, they split, and they are now back together. It’s been a long ride, and they’ve spent too much time detouring. But just as he said, _it’s never too late._ Ben is ready, and he’s waiting for Martin to be prepared to take another step forward as well. He isn’t in a rush, after all, they still have all the time of the rest of their lives. And if the past has taught him anything, it says that eventually, _love wins_.


	5. 2017

“I finally understand what you meant.”

Martin was helping Ben straighten his tie when he heard this. He raises his eyebrows and waits for his husband-to-be to explain his abrupt statement. Ben’s lips curves, it’s impossible for him to stop smirking. He has finally earned what he desires.

“You said that you would never be my best man,” Ben repeats their conversation from when they filmed _The Sign of Three._ It was over four years ago. When they approach the front door of their house, Benedict continues, “I now know what you meant. You will never be my best man because you will be my groom.”

Ben takes a step farther, he pulls the door open, and then turns back to Martin. Martin shakes his head in response to what was said, though he’s smiling.

“That’s not what I fucking meant.”

“Yes, it is.”

Ben reaches for Martin’s hand, gently wraps his fingers around Martin’s and walks his soon-to-be spouse down the stairs. Martin complains that it feels as if he were his plus one or a three-year-old, but accepts it regardless.

A limo stopped near their home. When the passengers on board spotted the two, they got off the car and gave Benedict and Martin a hug each. It’s Wanda and Tim, Ben’s parents. This action gives Ben a sense of deja vu, it’s like that Valentine’s Day all over again, but this time it’s way better and he’s much happier, and it might be able to make up for the agony he had to endure.

The auto drives its way to the church. Silence along the road untimely reminds Ben of what happened last time. He has doubted if it is possible to stay under the radar on this day, but it is. Ben knows that he should not be thinking about two years ago, but then he discovers that he’s not the only one doing so. Marin grasps his hand, he now has Ben’s attention. They exchange a look, and then Ben immediately understands what Martin is telling him. He shares his feelings.

This is how a wedding was supposed to be like. No tabloids, no cameras, no flashlights.

Only family and friends, and two people who are deeply in love and about to get married.

A wedding, and a marriage. Ben once deemed it as impossible because the only person he would like to spend the rest of his life with was Martin Freeman. And yet miracles do happen. Martin not only allows him to have him, but also gives him permission to own him in every way there is, including tying the knot.

One day, Ben will put on _their_ wedding ring, and he will wear it during interviews. If anyone asks, he will proudly reply, “yes, I’m married, with Martin Freeman.”

One day, when Benedict speaks of Martin, he can add, “and that’s my husband.”

“Ben,” Martin taps on Ben’s thigh, telling him that they should get off. Ben is the first to rise from his seat and step on the solid ground. He can hear Martin asking behind him, “What are you smiling at?” though Ben figures that Martin knows the answer already.

“Marvel,” Ben replies. It’s not a lie, for a short moment this thought did come into his head. “One of those days, we will walk the red carpets together.”

Ben keeps his posture erect by the door, and reaches out his hand again. Martin rejects the invitation this time. Instead, he gets himself off the car, and pretends to be angry at Ben afterwards. He glares at him, lowers his voice and speaks in an irritated tone, “I can walk myself.”

“Come on. You are my bridegroom.”

“You bloody idiot.”

“And you’re marrying me.”

Martin places his hands on Ben’s shoulders, fingers caressing his neck, and then pulls him closer for a kiss. Wanda and Tim left the car while the new couple were enjoying themselves. They decided to give the young ones some space, and at the same time, someone would have to take the responsibility to greet the guests. Ben assumes that the guests he and Martin invited are probably watching them, but they’re enjoying themselves too much to stop. Being right at this moment, it’s the utmost pleasure, so how could he let go the bliss he’s experiencing? He can’t even stop himself from laughing when they are kissing, and for that he almost chokes himself. Martin has to end the kiss, but he still holds Ben tightly. They gaze into one another’s eyes, until Ben softly whispers, “We should have left it for the ceremony.”

“Well,” Martin’s voice directly flows into Benedict’s ears. “It’s never too early.”

 _That is true._ Ben smiles. He takes Martin’s hand and they make their way to the church. This time he can finally walk down the aisle with the one he loves. It could have come earlier, but it’s not too late either. Fortunately, it’s just in time for the two of them to share the lifetime ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This passage was drafted in 2017. Two years have passed and I think it can still represent some of my views on the show, what happened between Ben and Martin, and the current status of their relationship. So I was thinking maybe I could post it in case anyone would like to read a fic where they got married at the end :)


End file.
